Celebrity / Comedian

(As Samuel L. Jackson) No, I can't stop yelling, 'cause that's how I talk! Haven't you seen my movies? 'Juice', that was a good one! Deep Blue Sea! They ate me! A mother fucking sharke ate me! Drink up, bitch!

It's not HBO. It's regular ass TV.

A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.