Evan Esar

A husband is like a fire--he goes out when unattended.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a rich widow.

The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.

A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.